If you’ve argued, here’s what I want to ask you today:
Are you getting what you want?
That argument we had, knowing the pristine rightness of our position, knowing we have taken the fall so many times for reasons as loaded, knowing we’ve been disadvantaged, our pearls were trampled and we knew and we argued because we thought we finally should. Was it friendly to Me? Choosing to argue. (There we’ve already passed up the victim role and claimed accountability for the argument. We chose it.)
The question is what is most friendly to Me? To be right? Hm. What will we do with the rightness? Sleep with it at night? Will it clean our house? Will we get anything for it? Will it take us on vacation? What ever the argument was about.
Most of us think we are right. Now what?
Ellen had argued. Not aggressively. There was no volume or matter flying about. It was short but potent. A bit nuclear if you must know. She was so in the right. If she were a tooth, she’d be the brightest whitest one in the mouth. Pearly white. An incisor perhaps. She gained ground but lost her goal. Now, neither of them got what they wanted. They just got what any one gets when they argue. Lonely.
Mass General put out a great guideline to conflict resolution I’ve reference below if you want to peruse …or tattoo it to your arm.
Basically, if you want to get something, let the other person save face. You ain’t getting much by being right. Think about what is friendly to yourself and remember that friendly is not what is easy, natural or desired many times. It is what improves you and gets you what you really want in the big picture.
If you can’t do this even though you are deliberately trying, it may be that it is a symptom of brain illness and needs medical care.
So how am I doing in our argument? Smile. Are you getting what you want? Have you ever been mid-stride argument and been able to change the direction of your projection? Have you ever been able to stop yourself once you started and chose to be friendly with yourself rather than just right? How? Please tell me your story.
Self-Care Tip: You guessed it. Let him save face.
- A Thoughtful Response to Conflict Resolution Commandos. (roiword.wordpress.com)
- Conflict Resolution: How To Apologize Gracefully (personalsnewzealand.wordpress.com)
- Anger Control Plan (nutripsychtherapy.wordpress.com)
- How to Argue Effectively & Win (kaushikinfo.wordpress.com)
- Arguments. (robgjr.wordpress.com)
- Conflict mediation: Privatising peace (economist.com)
- Love is There. The Friendliest Knowing We Can Have. (friendtoyourself.com)
- What Comes To Me From Others Is a Gift (friendtoyourself.com)