When you hear that, don’t you think violent thoughts? Or how about, “Calm down?” Got to love that. I have visuals of my back swing. Sure. You might call them hallucinations. I’ve never actually hit someone but I have pulled into ready position.
Here’s the thing though. After all this on-and-on about taking care of ourselves, I have found myself saying things that get awfully close and I’m looking out. Pretty soon I’m afraid I’m going to get it. (I’ve got my eye on you! And you!)
Here’s what happened. Augustina was wondering what to do about her best friend. They had quarreled and then quarreled again.
Naming someone, “best-ie” sounds pubescent but Augustina was no child. Her best-ie had been her chosen family (as Jackie Paulson reminded us yesterday) since she was twelve, fat and leaked. Kids were laughing. Future Best-ie wasn’t. That’s the kind of girl she was. Safe; a light in a house that she had gone toward naturally and that had not been put out by Augustina’s misty self. Wet face, stained pants, fat neck and pimples – Future Best-ie wasn’t laughing. And that’s about all it took. She was her friend.
Why had Augustina and Best-ie quarrelled these thirty-some years later? This was am apparent mystery to Augustina. You know those kind of mysteries, when they belong to only one person while everyone else with the answer key is looking on. It was almost like she was standing there, twelve-years-old and bewildered. This time though, Best-ie wasn’t on her side. Or so she thought.
Truth is, Augustina had been mean. She was not keeping dates, she argued easily and she was more self-absorbed than the color black. It had been months now and then they quarreled. Augustina missed all the prodrome, the warnings, the recommendations from family, other friends and including Best-ie to get insight and help. To Augustina, this quarrel stood alone and she was being misused and misunderstood.
So what do we do? Do we discuss Augustina’s behavior? Do we explain her problems? Maybe. But only long enough to help her join our treatment team. Once she’s in treatment, we wait. We for reasons of self-preservation won’t say, “Don’t worry,” but we will come close. Why? Because we know that many of her problems as perceived by others and herself will disappear when her brain illness heals. Do you believe that? Where do you think her emotions and behaviors are coming from?
See blog post, There is Less Space Between Emotions And Science.
Questions: When have you seen maltreatment from others that feels personal to you appear without provocation? When have you seen someone you trusted change into someone who is mean, angry, selfish and reject you when they never did before? Did you see the opposite happen when their brain illness was treated? Please tell me your story.
Self-Care Tip – Calm down. (Duck! I see you and I’m outta here!)
- Where Do Emotions and Behaviors Come From? (friendtoyourself.com)
- Pain and Suffering (psychologytoday.com)
- Taking Care of Our Own Emotional Junk Empowers us Not to Take Care of Theirs (friendtoyourself.com)
- Me! Where Emotions and Behaviors Come From (friendtoyourself.com)
- Choice and Biology – Where Emotions and Behaviors Come From (friendtoyourself.com)
- Understanding Your Porn Addiction (socyberty.com)
- Finalé – Me Again. Everything Starts and Ends With Me – Even Emotions and Behaviors. (friendtoyourself.com)