Give Because You Want To, Not Because You Are a Victim To Their Taking


Self-Care Tip – Give to others because you want to and have so much to give.

People who live in chaos, generally do because they want it. They are the ones who think you are the best one day and are screaming you down in the next. They pit team-members against each other. Without the team-members knowing what happened they are now distrustful of people they used to trust, feeling suspicious and defensive. The people who live in chaos have their own gravitational force for extremes. Extreme behavior finds them. They are suffering. No doubt, but at the same time, they thrive on this in some way. They choose it. Even so, they don’t know their choices and are ever the victim in any crime scene.

I have seen a few amazing life-stories unfold where these habits were reorganized into friendly behavior. It took years but every time I see these people, knowing where they came from, my mouth is open, my soul lays in splayed humility and I have new hope in the Love that heals us.

Clara was one such as this. I’m not going to tell you all of her story but let you know that now she has woven a net of support around her, people she spends time with, peer groups she attends. She takes her medications and doesn’t change the doses without discussing them first with me. She feels pleasure without having to be at an extreme.

Clara still has some people in her life who haven’t done this for themselves. Who haven’t worked on themselves and become their own friend and she has been tempted to “save” them at times. Clara just told me the other day,

I am not responsible for the fact that she doesn’t have any one else but me.

Clara has been tempted to stop investing in herself to invest more time caring for those who don’t care for themselves. But she didn’t. She maintains her health and investing in herself and she is still living. She gives to others because she has so much to give. Not because she is a victim to their taking. Clara continues to fight for herself and I respect her. I am learning still about doing this for myself and hope you are too. Out.

Questions: Have you ever seen these kinds of miracles in people’s lives around or in you? What was it like? Please tell me your story.

13 thoughts on “Give Because You Want To, Not Because You Are a Victim To Their Taking

  1. Clara is my hero! She is the epitome of a woman who has made a decision, despite all odds, despite all stigmas, despite her past, to live a life in freedom. Her limitations have now become limitless. She is soaring….

    Clara again you are my hero! I am praying to take the courage to live!

  2. Astonishing difference for people in alcohol and drug addiction recovery. So many people return to the decent and likable person they were before being converted to monsters. They need self care and self love to stay that way and the desire to keep their sobriety.

  3. PS Recognized that yellow flower instantly – alamanda and grow fast and make splendid vines but should not be handled as they are poisonous esp white sap accidentally rubbed in eyes.

  4. Good tip. Last year after my mother died, I thought I would give an elderly neighbor a walk every day since I was freed from taking care of my mother. She only knew me as the girl who took her on walks and finally I felt I was taken for granted by the daughter so I stopped. I guess I wanted more appreciation. I didn’t want to give anymore. Now I feel a little quilt in stopping but not enough to start up again. She just doesn’t walk anymore and she should. She’s going to get so weak.

  5. Thk u dear Darcy.
    Folks if u don’t know Darcy, she is an advocate for abused, wrongfully imprisoned, victims of child-trafficking and she doesnt stop. She is subtle but strong, patient n carries the confidence of the right-handed. We share space w heroes lk her.
    Keep on n don’t lose your voice.

  6. Sounds a little similar to a conversation I just had with someone wise and whom I trust with my life. My situation is this-a few days ago I found my friend’s husband dead and I was the only other one at home. Everyone else was in Georgia. After the coroner left I had to take our 13 year old dog to the vet and have her euthanized. The fact that she was in tremendous pain was little of consolation, especially on this day. I attend a peer group once a month and I didn’t go this past week because my friend was very fragile and barely keeping her head above water. She had no one else to be with her besides myself. Then came yesterday. Every Friday a group of peers meets to have coffee and conversation and to support one another in any way we can. I needed to go, but again, I didn’t want to leave my friend alone. I was torn but in the end I knew I needed support to keep myself strong and healthy. I knew I had to put myself first no matter how selfish it may have seemed to others. I am no good to anyone else if I’m not healthy myself. I could easily have beat myself up for being selfish and going to coffee when I knew my friend needed me-but I resisted this tendency of mine. I have established a tremendous network of support and healthy relationships and that is an unspeakable blessing. My friend has not done this. She has no one but me to turn to. This is a choice she has made. Today, as I was reflecting back on the insanity of this past week, I decided that I will put me first and foremost through all of this. It won’t be easy at times and I’m sure there will be talk behind my back due to this decision, but that’s how it has to be in order for me to stay in this good place that I have fought many years to be in. I will be supportive to the best of my abilities, but I will not sacrifice myself because my friend has chosen not to establish any type of support system for herself. Maybe this all will help her to do that.

    • Yes, I think I am not wrong in saying that this is what this post is about. You not making sacrifices in your self care. That is why I stopped walking my neighbor, it made me feel used, I needed to take care of myself first then I can help others better.
      If we don’t love ourselves first then we don’t have love to give.
      But all love we give will live on in eternity. That is one thing that does not die.

      • Your sentence, “If we don’t love ourselves first then we have no love to give.” is brilliant. To me, it sums up this entire post. You are great. Keep up the self-love.

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