If You Love Me, Give Me Less But Give To Me Bigger and Better


Good news.  Marcy was better.  She was feeling better emotionally, less triggered by simple stressors, and parenting better.  Marcy didn’t think it was anywhere near easy, but it was better.

It had started for her about six months ago, when she realized her children were on edge around her, when she realized she didn’t want to be around her children and when she didn’t like much else either.  Was she a “crabby woman?”  Ouch.  It hurt her to think that.  Were some people just mean?  And she was one of them?  Marcy said no.  She couldn’t make anyone believe her these days but she knew she was designed for something better than that.

When this happened, Marcy hit self-care boot camp.  She cut her time with her kids, husband, any extras.  She didn’t cut them out, but she did cut back.  With that time, she went back to the starting point – herself.  She gave less to them, and more to herself so she could give bigger and better to them whom she loved, not excluding herself.

Good news.  Marcy is better.

Self-Care Tip – Give more to yourself.

Question:  What has your self-care taken from those you love?  What has it done with what you still give to those you love?  Please tell me your story.

24 thoughts on “If You Love Me, Give Me Less But Give To Me Bigger and Better

  1. i cant actualy be given to much love i become complacent and think things are going to good so just a little bit of love is good and i get it form all kinds of places and this helps me and it helps the people around me

      • little bit love with me either way i have no middle point if say i have a girlfirend and she loves me a little that is good it keeps me on my feet i am content but now what useually happens i get to much love and that just makes me panic becuase my head tells me its not real she is going to leave etc plus if i get a little love i give a little love back and to much and i will give no love becuase there is no chalange if that makes sense in a weird way

  2. Interesting, Doc, I find that my daughter grows increasingly ‘jealous’ of any time I take for myself. Don’t know if that is common behaviour in pre-teens?

  3. Self care has taken time from those I love. It has given me back to them. Pretty good exchange, they think. So do I!

  4. Sometimes I feel like Marcy. I am aloof to others while in that depression canyon but more to the point here when I am recharging my batteries with self care. It is like riding two bicycles at the same time which is impossible even if they have the same destination. Being indulgent and available to others does not seems to be achievable as a constant but I can be proactive having insights to my own condition . I have to be a participant in managing relationships with others not an observer or victim with immobilization.

  5. As a mother, it is a difficult concept to learn that you must first take care of yourself in order to take good care of your children. And like most things in life, it’s all in balance.

    • ooh! i like the “gas” analogy! anyone else have one? please, let’s here it! i have been known to say, “can give if there’s no money in the bank,” or “can’t give what u don’t have…”
      What else!? this could get good.

  6. Ditto about ‘self-care boot camp’. I may steal that one. You’ve given me permission to be selfish if need be. It’s all about self-preservation. Thanks.

  7. I’m definately at bootcamp with Marcy, but managing work, husband, 3 small children, caring for an older parent and trying to overcome my personal hurdles….I NEED A TIME OUT! I can take a portion of time to myself but always feel like I failed somewhere….I know in my heart I need to make me work if everything else is gonna work around me….I need more than 5 minutes of selfcare each day to make a difference and that is the most I find myself getting………….

  8. When my children were growing up and my (now ex) husband was in school/working/taking care of himself, I was expected to take care of them all plus work full time. I had little time for myself and everyone else (but me) was happy.

    Since my children are now grown and I am divorced, I have a lot of self-care time and I realize that I love myself more than ever. I have a very solo life, but I am learning that a life without others can be more fulfilling than having toxic people (like my ex-husband) take over my life and my energy.

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