She had been gone for 3 months helping her mother transition from life to death. However, instead of it being a melancholic experience, she felt better than she had since a time she couldn’t calendar. Back when she had a respect for herself. Back when she had youth, she had hope, she believed in a generous future.
I had no way of knowing what it was like for me until I left the situation.
Reality is only as real as our perspective. She came back to a new perspective and her reality changed. She saw an impoverished life. She saw need to stop waiting for the better of future’s promises. She saw disrespect when caring for her disabled daughter and emotionally abusive husband. She hated disrespecting herself. She felt this and she rebelled inside. Holding back her furry with the flimsy lid of guilt-glue. She cried. She had just let her mother go and feeling good about letting her daughter and husband go now embarrassed and shamed her. But there it was. The thought she hadn’t thought before. Reality had changed.
I’m told that it is bad for a counsellor to tell someone specifically what to do. Turns out that my job includes some counseling. I ran into a former patient today at a coffee shop. She saw me typing on my computer and learned about this blog.
But you do meds!
Apparently sometimes I’m not that great of a counselor. Or maybe I am if she didn’t realize I was, with her, all along.
I had to stop and say hello! I’ve missed you!
This daughter/mother/wife will never be the same woman she was before she left for 3 months. She didn’t know. And now she did. She can’t stuff that knowledge. She can’t disappear it. She is left with a knowledge. Is it better? I think so.
We played with options as we talked. A window opened in the room and a breeze came through called hope. That was lovely to share with her and I am grateful.
Maybe when with determined labor we are trudging on in life, we might think of this. With this memory, we could more willingly accept the urge to walk away just to see for a time. Maybe a knowing, that we were missing, will come and change us.
Self Care Tip #67 – We might be in a different reality if we walk away. Be a friend to yourself.
Question: What has your own experience been? Please tell me your story.