Month: January 2013

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Noticing the Signs – Friendship Status

We people who are friendly to ourselves act when we notice that cruelty starts to creep up. Our response usually involves a combination of simple remedies – clean air, beans and greens, sleep hygiene, exercise, water, and when indicated, medical treatment compliance.  These are remedies but they are also a process.  The remedies are the construct of our way of life.  We get out of the mind-set of being “good” or “bad.”

Question:  However, how do we notice that we are not being nice to ourselves?  Please speak out.

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Super Act Of Friendship

fitness

fitness (Photo credit: o0bsessed)

One of my biggest bestest connections is now Kaia Fitness.  In the year 2012, shortly after the onset of a life-morphing tragedy, and while in line to order my green tea no classic soy latte with extra matcha and a scoop of protein, (big smile), I noticed two bonny blonds standing behind me.

I met the initiative and creative sisters themselves.  They both practice medicine and passion for being a friend to Me, which you can imagine, had me wagging.

Would you like to join us this morning in Kaia?

Here we are thirteen weeks later and I’m spilling over in gratitude.  So much that I can’t but tell you, too.

One of the favorite lines of Kaia-girls is in brief that no matter how slow or “behind” or ashamed we are of the condition of Me, we’re still better off than someone on the couch.   And I am.

I’m better off than I was thirteen weeks ago.  My body brings me more pleasure than shame.  My beloved tenuous weaving threads, including friendships, have increased in number and I am designed for connection.  I suffer less ridiculous guilt.  I have more of my freedoms, hope, purpose and presence with the frailty of my Time-tied life.  I see Me a little more; the blend of my flaws with my fine stitches.

I’m better to others.  That’s what others notice of course.  Barely.  Not the stars in my rug, but sometimes, they notice, or rather complain less about Me.  Otherwise, they don’t.  Not much more fanfare than that.  Not much endorphin-ee drama.

Yet again, I see that it all comes back to Me.  Where it started.

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Tenuous Connections – Where is Our Rock?

Skógafoss waterfall

Skógafoss waterfall (Photo credit: big-ashb)

So thinking more about Alena and her alien psychiatrist-poser…

Why is Alena known, or recognized, by Alien?

Where Alien came from, brain illness isn’t sustained by the stress of living on her planet.  Those with brain illness either adapt to the primitive resources they live in or they, (pause,) “don’t.”  The community doesn’t know this is happening consciously.  They just know that some people are able to do what earthlings consider magic.  Those with brain illness evolved to survive.  Alien was one such benefactors of time and stress on biology.  She was not there for the process, but for the product

Earth was alarming.  It was the first time she’d ever seen someone with a broken mind.  Knowing where she came from gave her mixed feelings….

I’m getting my hands into this Time-play playtime!  Woohoo!  I have been rumbling over the beauty of all the beloved connections I enjoy, the cherished anchors and reflectors that I’ve used so long to stabilize my identity with.  My heritage, my profession, my employments, my interpersonal relationships, family, my body, currencies, and so much more gives me a sense of security.  A sense, however, in truth and not Time-less.  As so many of us know what the other side of that water-fall looks like – divorced parents, physical/sexual/emotional abuse, illicit drugs, loneliness, poverty, a bone spur or arthritis.

If Time is an arrow, what gives the increasingly obvious wispiness of our securities power?  What is our strength from?

I remember back when we discussed our Essence, the bit of Me that isn’t lost to death, suffering or brain illness.  According to, From Eternity to Here: The Quest for the Ultimate Theory of Time, by Sean Carroll, he’d say this can only exist if this Essence in Me is connected to space and Time.

Question:  Where does your connection come from?

Self-Care Tip:  Discover where you security comes from.

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Feeling Afraid

Celine was made to fidget by something moving inside her.  It tooled with her body while working her over.

I’m afraid.

Rich.  We are all afraid.  Knowing it and naming it is more than many of us have the spit to do.  But not being named doesn’t make us more courageous.

I am afraid.

Celine wanted help and as her perception grew of what she was looking for, she knew.  It was fast.  Awareness appeared in progressive pictures into her own flip book.

Remember those flip books when we were kids like, Mickey Mouse tapping his foot as the pages sped by, leaning over to kiss Minnie?  Celine’s flip book showed her that she felt unappreciated at work.  She resented her authorities, lack of control and felt ashamed that she wasn’t acknowledged.  Scenes in her life gave her the illusion of movement toward more than just danger though.

Being in fear is not in itself wrong or amoral.  Sure as yams are sweet, it’s going to happen.  We all have fear.  Feeling afraid doesn’t mean that we are bad.  It doesn’t confirm the accusation or shame.  It doesn’t close on us.  It just is.  Fear.  Celine’s illusion was that she was moving toward being the wrongness, being amoral, and being especially bad.

Ironically, Celine found some comfort in this and decompressed.

The medical reasons behind fear are of all varieties and certainly important, but this post isn’t about those.  It’s about our flip books.  Lick thumb and finger and let’s see what pictures we’ve sequenced into our own illusions. We all have a book.  We all have fear.

Question:  What does looking at your flip book do for your sense of value?  Please speak.

Self-Care Tip:  Remember what makes “Me” special by being present with fear.

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A few thoughts and words shaken together

Shake Well

Shake Well Before Use

I was thinking, what if I was a an alien, disguised as a psychiatrist planted to search for earthlings with special abilities?  What would I hope to find?  I would like to find people who could put their thoughts into other people’s minds.  People who could receive special messages from the television, radio or newspaper.  Who saw hidden codes in otherwise common experiences, such as, stranger’s dress.

Maybe I’d meed a girl named, Alena, who had received a garden of psychotropics without benefit.  She, despite her sensory differences from the human norm, remained high functioning and whose mind, as she aged, didn’t break, deteriorate or diminish as others with schizophrenia did.  Her thoughts followed from point A to B, much like the arrow of time.

I’m reading, From Eternity to Here: The Quest for the Ultimate Theory of Time, by Sean Carroll.  Seriously cool.  Not me.  The book, and I suppose this Carroll guy too.  Don’t let this fool you though.  I’m as bad as the rest of you, quoting big smart books that effectively hide all the rest of the reading I’m too embarrassed to disclose.  So now that that’s done…, I’m happy to also say that I’ve garnered vocabulary and concepts to grow my fantasies.  Yummy!  Things like there’s always the inverse to consider, like black holes as opposed to white holes.  The reason we remember the past is because there is a future, because entropy increases and because time never exists without space.  Life itself depends on the arrow of time.  Time and space cannot be separate.  The future is much longer than the past.  And rather than the Big Bang, “Maybe the Universe comes out of a Universal Chicken.” I don’t like anyone calling God a chicken but this made me smile.

Well, “No one’s going to take a wrong turn into yesterday,” except us, right?  Or… maybe Alena did.

My thoughts play tonight.  I wonder about Time and our friendship with Me.  No tips tonight.  Just thoughts to exchange.  Do you have any to bring out to play?