Self-Care Tip #194 – Take what is already yours. Be a friend to yourself.
Parenting, we hold the power in the relationship between us and our child/ren. If we are emotionally maltreated by our child/ren, we parents are still the ones with the power. What are we giving to her if we teach her that we will take the terrible words and dark emotions? When we take the projected anger when we have the power to choose not to, what message are we giving to ourselves about ourselves? What is the message if we say by our actions that Love demands from us to accept, to take and to be a victim to the emotional abuse? Is that what love tells us?
It is difficult to receive maltreatment from anyone. And because of the suffering involved, we can misinterpret the message, “This is the sacrifice that Love demands” – the sacrifice is doing what other people want before taking care of yourself.
It is difficult not to receive maltreatment as well. Which choice is more consistent with our understanding of Love? The words in the message might be the same, “This is the sacrifice that Love demands.” However, the interpretation of the message, of what the sacrifice is – that meaning is different. The sacrifice is, rather, taking care of yourself first so that you have the best of you to offer to others.
To read more on this topic, please see posts, Criticize if You Love Me, Listen to The Intention in What People Say and Stop! Before Hurting Yourself or Others.
Because we as parents hold the power in the relationship, we can feel trapped by our own power. What a confusion for many of us. Holding power but feeling helpless. Holding a stick in both hands, so to speak, not seeing that we can still use our occupied hands for anything else in the mean time.
This kind of choice takes Love. This is the kind of choice that is a work of a life-time or of a moment, but is life. See, Let It Go and Keep Going.
We can’t teach others that we are valuable and how to treat us with Love if we don’t do it ourselves for ourselves. When we act on Love, self-care means that we don’t accept treatment that is inconsistent with Love. If we accept bad treatment, we are saying that self-care is accepting our lack of choices versus making the choices that are still available despite the circumstance.
This of course applies to any relationship. It applies to any connection, whether it is in the work-place, marriage, if you are the child in the parent-child role, friendships – take your pick. You can choose Love. You can choose. Self-care starts and ends with “Me.”
Freedom is a gift. No matter how many times it is wrapped up and placed in our hands, if we don’t open it, use it, own it, we will never have it. Freedom to choose has been given to us before we were born, just like our salvation. The salvation will never be taken away. Nor the freedom. Both are elemental and constant. But if we don’t pull on the ribbon, lift the lid and take – we can’t expect anything but living without what was inside. Does the title “victim” even hold if it was our choice not to take what was already ours?
Question: How do you claim your freedom to choose when all you perceive at the time is what has been taken away? Please tell me your story.
- The Act of Forgiveness (socyberty.com)
- The Ball is in Our Court (ptl2010.wordpress.com)
- We always have a choice…. (thbloom.wordpress.com)
- Adolescence and parental support. (psychologytoday.com)