Go Toward The Pain To Get Connected


Audrey came in looking fresh.  Better than before for sure.  She had an aura that brought to mind the moment just when tearing off wrapping paper.  It was nice to see her.

I am doing better.  I’m able to let more of the little things go, like the house doesn’t bother me as much when it’s not clean.

She was more able to do self-care with less forethought.  What did take her by surprise though, was her guilt.  She could see that it was inappropriate but insight didn’t entirely remove what shouldn’t be there.  She said these thoughts and feelings were something her husband likely never struggled with.  She didn’t think he was worried about her home doing dishes when he was at work.  However, the reverse for her was true.  She gave a coughing laugh.

I do!  I feel bad when he does the things.  It doesn’t make sense.  If he wasn’t washing dishes when I was working he’d just be watching TV.  But I still feel bad.

For her, working her job, taking her jogs, and attending Mommy groups were all in a grey category of “extras” for life.  Not necessary but bonuses she was spending their retirement on.  However, despite this, she looked the champion she was when saying,

I still am able to take care of myself.  Even though those thoughts come.

Audrey, by thinking about, talking about, and materially man-handling these thoughts, she was able to join her personal journey.  These things became connecting forces in her life.  They drew her closer to her family and not away.  Resentment dissipated and she was able to take part in her available positive emotions and thoughts.

It could have been different.  It had been different at other times, before medications and other positive deliberate choices in her life.  But it wasn’t now.  The could-have-beens trickled away together, the other near misses that sometimes we know about and sometimes we don’t.  There they go…

Going toward the pain in life, not averting from it, is a connecting force in our lives.

Question:  What have you been avoiding?  What has it done for you when you went toward the pain?  Please tell me your story.

Self-Care Tip #124 – Go toward the pain to feel connected.  Be a friend to yourself.

15 thoughts on “Go Toward The Pain To Get Connected

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention Go Toward The Pain To Get Connected « A Friend to Yourself -- Topsy.com

  2. You know the main issue of my personal story. I avoided dealing with my anger towards the surgeon for more than a decade. Part of me thinks that I probably did this in order to have a handy excuse for the times when I would get miserable. As long as I still had the deep hatred and anger for the man, it gave me someone to blame for my own behavior. Just in the past week, after 12 years, I have finally been able to start letting go of the cloud of anger. I still hate his guts, and always will, but I refuse to let that cloud of anger hang over my life anymore. I will still get mad at my limitations and over what happened to me, but I will not allow HIM the victory of still being in my life after so many years.

    • can i say absolutely about a gazillion times! whoop! Cindy i’m so happy to hear u even think it! when i read your comment, first i just breathed, stared, and then i showed my husband. this is the connection. just talking about it is going there. it is part of your recovery. part of your healing process. keep talking. talk up a snowstorm!

  3. I have been cheated on in several intimate relationships, including my marriage. So terrified that infidelity will ruin all of my relationships, I am constantly looking for signs (I know I am WAY overly suspicious and nosey.) Don’t I sound delightful to date? 🙂

    • u are beautiful in your vulnerability. so many of us have bits of your story as our own. love is healing though and we can’t be loved if we aren’t vulnerable. i’d say yes. u do sound delightful to date but i can’t because we live too far apart ;0. seriously though, i luv your approach to life and pain and u make so many people smile and laugh with it. you are present with your pain which opens you up for all the good available. keep on!!!!! loving your blog btw!

  4. “I have fibromyalgia and it is a painful, frustrating, depressing, chronic diability that forces me to need help from my family and friends to, often, just get through the day.”

    That statement is what I am avoiding. My family and friends say they understand, although there are many things about fibromyalgia that are almost impossible to really understand unless one is living with it. My husband is the saint in my life who does more than any man should have to do to keep life going for the two of us and our family. All good….except that I cannot accept the above statement and learn to live with the help I’m getting, the support I’m given, and the disabilities I live with on a daily basis. I feel guilty about the amount of help I need. I feel grief and frustration – and even surprise – about the effects of this disease. I find myself refusing to accept that all that goes with fibromyalgia IS my life now. So I go toward (or is it away from?) the pain, by trying to be the “normal” I used to be but, as I suffer the inevitable consquences, I can’t make myself understand that I’m different now and it’s okay to be who I am now with this disease and not who I’d like to be. I’m not sure which is worse, then – going toward the pain or avoiding it.

      • I’m thinking that all I appear to be doing through this blog is whining and complaining as I answer your questions and tell my story. Please understand that, although there continues to be pain in my life, it is pain that I have worked through (for the most part) and can live with. You’re right, though. God has been, and continues to be, my strength. This blog hassimply become my release. Thanks.

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