Serenity Prayer

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Mr. Rick C. – Blog Jacking #3

Guest Blogger:  Mr. Rick C.

As a gesture of good-will after my recent work stoppage and because “The Dogs”, have asked me to make a statement, I am, once again, taking over the blog.  To begin, “The Dogs” would like to indicate that they are quite happy and realize that running away is just what dogs do… getting caught was their mistake.  Also, they do not like vegetarian dog food and would prefer something coyote flavored.

In response to a recent blog by PDQ (That is short for Princess Dr. Sana Johnson-Quijada and was recently modified after she sent $19.95 to a website and found that she is indeed  Lebanese Royalty), Carl wrote…. “The serenity prayer has never given me any serenity. I have never had this alleged wisdom to know what I can or cannot change but I have developed the ability to know that after I have tried to change something for the 938th time without success some of that wisdom seeps in and it is time to find something else which will trouble me. Huh?”

I like reading Carl’s stuff because he frequently misses the obvious like I do.  Although, I am not a real psychiatrist in this country or many others… I recognize and am able to quickly diagnose issues and problems in others.  This is not really an ability that I have tried to develop and sometimes I even wish I could make it go away.  The ability is based on a principle known as “You Spot It, You Got”.   I did not invent this technique, however, I have much experience using it.  The basic principal is that when I am able to identify an issue in someone else it is usually because I “deal” with that same issue.  The reason I put deal in “”’s (that may be one of the finest uses of punctuation ever) is because I have no choice as to whether I “deal” with an issue I have or not.  I either deal with it by ignoring it, denying that it exist, suppressing it, or acknowledging it and finding a solution for it.  Kind of like that whole gravity thing… regardless of my opinion or mood… I have to deal with it.

Back to fixing my friend Carl… Guys like us tend to over analyze things to the “938th” degree.  When someone like Benjamin Franklin or Thomas Edison tries something over and over expecting different results… they are called geniuses and inventors.  When guys like us do it, it’s called insanity  Perhaps we are just people who tend to over do things like alcohol, drugs, gambling, eating, cigar smoking, and even PERSISTANCE.  I’m thinking that a Persistance Anonymous program might be what we need.  In lieu of that, we have the Serenity Prayer which Carl refers to.

God, Grant me the Serenity

To Accept the things I can not change

To Change the things I can and

the wisdom to know the difference

I think that everyone practices this prayer, to some degree, whether they admit it or not.  Let’s say that I have taken a step up in life and acquired a nice minivan.  (real doctor’s drive them, they must be nice) I am running late but stop at a red light.  I stopped because I accepted that I could not change the light.  By stopping, even if unhappily, there has been a level of acceptance.  While at the red light, I jump out and put a nice “Breast Cancer Awareness” Sticker on my car (I do this for several reasons… because it is a great cause, because I can now drive faster and more erratic and people will understand, and because it looks nice next to my “Support Your Local Police” sticker).  Upon getting back into the mini-van, I pick up the phone and call to let my appointment know that I am running late. Hence, I have changed the things I can and accepted that which I could not change.  For me, it is easy to “talk” about whether I accept things or not; however, my actions are a far better indicator.  I view serenity kind of like heat…. even at the coldest place on earth, there is a bit of heat present.  The total absence of heat would result in a temperature of -459 F (-273 C) or 0 Kelvin.  If, like Carl, we feel that our serenity is the equivalent of a cold spell in Siberia… it’s still there, we just need to warm it up.  By accepting only one thing, I have found that the change in perspective changed my serenity.  What is that one thing?  I am persistent and it’s the way I am wired.  This persistence can get frustrating way before I get to the 938th try, but, it also allows me to come up with solutions for problems that other have given up on.

How have your actions demonstrated acceptance even when your words didn’t?  How much training can two dogs handle?  What other stickers should be on the back of my minivan?  Does anyone own a Flowbee?  Tell me your story.

 

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Let It Go and Keep Going

Like gripping a blade the reflex may be to grip harder.  When to let things go when it feels like we can’t…  How do we, if it is still active in our lives?.  Something negative but still going on with no end in sight?

A woman comes to me anxious and depressed.  She looks older than her age.  She cries a lot talking about what she is ashamed of.  Staying with her emotionally abusive husband. Probably having sex with him though she didn’t want it.  Unable to leave because she didn’t have money, job, or family support.

This woman I mentioned, she is courageous.  She has tried for years to find herself again and still tries again and tries another time, times times.  She talks to her kids about it and they say she should never have married him.  She talks to her friends and they sigh and heap insults against him.  She talks to God.

She comes to me.  Why she comes when she does?  She found the courage to ask for help one more time, times times.  She takes medications.  We spend 6 months together before she starts responding to the combination therapy and each day she had the courage to wait another day times another.  Her face looks younger, slowly, like looking through an album backwards over the next weeks.  She starts talking about doing more than making it through the day.  More fits into her hopes than survival.  Like Mary Poppins‘ travel bag, she keeps pulling more out of her life than she ever thought it had space to hold.

One day about 1 1/2 years later, she came to me with a secret smile, holding her purse like a stolen cupcake.  The door closed to our room and she pulled out her dog.  She said, “I’d like you to meet my best friend in the whole world.  I just love him so much!”  She is a woman who found courage to love and be loved.

I am in awe and humbly wonder after her.

Remember again the addict who so often leads us in this example.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

Serenity Prayer

We surrender when we can, when we think of it, when awareness dawns, the things we cannot control.  It might take a higher thought to “let go” of what we cannot control.  When we are able to do this, we are larger in a sense than the moment.  The recurring yucky events are seen more objectively and less personally.  We are more knowing.

It takes us back around to how we define ourself.  Our spirit.  Our essence.  This woman, she found it.  She found she was more than her circumstance.

“How do we surrender what we cannot control?” you ask.  Ask yourself.  I have my answer.  I hold my answer in my mind’s eye, like a Swiss bank account.  My most precious treasure in the care of The One,

…where neither moth nor rust does corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal.

This woman, she is courageous.  She journeys without being defined by the events.

Self Care Tip #36 – If you can’t control it, let it go and keep going.  Be a friend to yourself.

Question:  What do you think?  Please tell me your story.