breast cancer

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Mr. Rick C. – Blog Jacking #3

Guest Blogger:  Mr. Rick C.

As a gesture of good-will after my recent work stoppage and because “The Dogs”, have asked me to make a statement, I am, once again, taking over the blog.  To begin, “The Dogs” would like to indicate that they are quite happy and realize that running away is just what dogs do… getting caught was their mistake.  Also, they do not like vegetarian dog food and would prefer something coyote flavored.

In response to a recent blog by PDQ (That is short for Princess Dr. Sana Johnson-Quijada and was recently modified after she sent $19.95 to a website and found that she is indeed  Lebanese Royalty), Carl wrote…. “The serenity prayer has never given me any serenity. I have never had this alleged wisdom to know what I can or cannot change but I have developed the ability to know that after I have tried to change something for the 938th time without success some of that wisdom seeps in and it is time to find something else which will trouble me. Huh?”

I like reading Carl’s stuff because he frequently misses the obvious like I do.  Although, I am not a real psychiatrist in this country or many others… I recognize and am able to quickly diagnose issues and problems in others.  This is not really an ability that I have tried to develop and sometimes I even wish I could make it go away.  The ability is based on a principle known as “You Spot It, You Got”.   I did not invent this technique, however, I have much experience using it.  The basic principal is that when I am able to identify an issue in someone else it is usually because I “deal” with that same issue.  The reason I put deal in “”’s (that may be one of the finest uses of punctuation ever) is because I have no choice as to whether I “deal” with an issue I have or not.  I either deal with it by ignoring it, denying that it exist, suppressing it, or acknowledging it and finding a solution for it.  Kind of like that whole gravity thing… regardless of my opinion or mood… I have to deal with it.

Back to fixing my friend Carl… Guys like us tend to over analyze things to the “938th” degree.  When someone like Benjamin Franklin or Thomas Edison tries something over and over expecting different results… they are called geniuses and inventors.  When guys like us do it, it’s called insanity  Perhaps we are just people who tend to over do things like alcohol, drugs, gambling, eating, cigar smoking, and even PERSISTANCE.  I’m thinking that a Persistance Anonymous program might be what we need.  In lieu of that, we have the Serenity Prayer which Carl refers to.

God, Grant me the Serenity

To Accept the things I can not change

To Change the things I can and

the wisdom to know the difference

I think that everyone practices this prayer, to some degree, whether they admit it or not.  Let’s say that I have taken a step up in life and acquired a nice minivan.  (real doctor’s drive them, they must be nice) I am running late but stop at a red light.  I stopped because I accepted that I could not change the light.  By stopping, even if unhappily, there has been a level of acceptance.  While at the red light, I jump out and put a nice “Breast Cancer Awareness” Sticker on my car (I do this for several reasons… because it is a great cause, because I can now drive faster and more erratic and people will understand, and because it looks nice next to my “Support Your Local Police” sticker).  Upon getting back into the mini-van, I pick up the phone and call to let my appointment know that I am running late. Hence, I have changed the things I can and accepted that which I could not change.  For me, it is easy to “talk” about whether I accept things or not; however, my actions are a far better indicator.  I view serenity kind of like heat…. even at the coldest place on earth, there is a bit of heat present.  The total absence of heat would result in a temperature of -459 F (-273 C) or 0 Kelvin.  If, like Carl, we feel that our serenity is the equivalent of a cold spell in Siberia… it’s still there, we just need to warm it up.  By accepting only one thing, I have found that the change in perspective changed my serenity.  What is that one thing?  I am persistent and it’s the way I am wired.  This persistence can get frustrating way before I get to the 938th try, but, it also allows me to come up with solutions for problems that other have given up on.

How have your actions demonstrated acceptance even when your words didn’t?  How much training can two dogs handle?  What other stickers should be on the back of my minivan?  Does anyone own a Flowbee?  Tell me your story.

 

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Tell People When You Fall

It's no laughing matter ladies... Monthly brea...

Image by zpeckler via Flickr

Self-Care Tip #171 – Tell people when you fall.

Driving today, I was slowed by a driver ahead of me.  I started to get irritated, (I know, “I can’t control this“), but then I noticed the car had bumper stickers supporting breast cancer.  In less than a moment my mind grabbed memories of faces, feelings, conversations, stories and personal experiences in my memory relating to breast cancer and I suddenly felt a sense of empathy and some sadness.  It left me a bit surprised and I reminded myself I was irritated at this driver.  While trying to tease apart these seemingly opposing reactions, I realized I didn’t care much any more about the slowness.  Mainly I wondered how there was breast cancer connected and I cared.

Providentially, Erin posted today on her blog-site, Healthy, Unwealthy, and Becoming Wise,

Falling finds friends.

I remembered the driver and you readers and thought, “It sure does.  Especially when we let others know.”

My Ecuadorian sister, Joana Johnson, often tells me one of the biggest contrasts she see’s between our cultures,

connection.

I spent some time in Ecuador doing some clinical work and learning more Spanish between my second and third year of medical school.  I was rarely alone, which frankly creeped me out a little.  Being westernized, I was used to a huge amount of independence and anonymity.  I wonder who I would be if I had grown up knowing someone was always involved in my life.

You might have heard the proverb asking,

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?

Or,

Water, water everywhere and nothing to drink.

I don’t want to be surrounded but not witnessed, connected or heard.

Telling people about our “falls,” cancer, depression, assault or what not, can feel creepy too, just like I felt loosing some of my anonymity in Ecuador.  However, I now tell myself, “It’s just culture and I can grow.  And I want to.”  Culturally in the “West,” we think of telling about our falls as whining.  That’s a misperception however and a disservice to all of us.  Telling people when we fall is not whining.  The act of telling and the act of whining aren’t contiguous unless we design them to be.

This morning when I saw those bumper stickers, it brought me into the drivers life and connected us.  We are both a little less alone than we were.  These last six months for me have been about taking down boundaries in my well defended life, and I am growing into the difference.  Thank you readers and commenters for that.

Questions:  What has telling others about your “falls” done for you?  How has your culture influenced you in finding friends?  Please tell me your story.

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Soul and Body

When we get sick, our identity, who we are, our essence might feel threatened.

In “His Dark Materials” trilogy, Philip Pullman says there is no God so we create heaven ourselves. In regards to our spirit, he says we come from and belong to the evolving universe. Perhaps so many have read this trilogy because it openly speaks about our souls. After it won various awards, we could say the man can write. But also that many of us, along with John Milton in Paradise Lost, wonder who our essence belongs to.

Since so much of our culture puts the definition of identity on behavior, it makes it seem that brain patterns define humanness. How do you see yourself? We all agree that our brain is part of our body. The question of soul comes in to play.

Some believe that the soul is a brain pattern. We might not agree that there is a difference between soul and body (or the brain). But if we did, could we even agree that the body is just that, a house for it, as Mr. Pullman says? This inconstant body, this betraying brain, this changing mind?  We’ve got more bank than that.

This is important to sus out. In the immediate sense, it tells us where to go if you need help. Temple? Doctor? Gym? It will affect your self-view when you go through physical loss. It will affect your hope when you haven’t felt like yourself in years.

Who are we if we need to take medication to behave like ourselves? The question I often hear is, am still me? Do I grieve the loss in order to accomodate the new sick me who has tremors and fear of public places? Then when I get better and lose an arm in a car accident do I need to change my view of my identity again? Then after I get better and get to know the new me, I get breast cancer and undergo a mastectomy. Now who am I? Now I’m old and eat with a wooden spoon and my kids take away my drivers license. I get dizzy at the hospital I used to work at and fall and hit my head in front of colleagues I once mentored. Who am I?

Many people I talk to think, like Pullman, that when they die their soul disperses amongst all the spiritual and material matter across the universe.

I have become comfortable with my own answer. My spirit belongs to and is in the care of Love, which is stronger than any change that happens to my body.

Self Care Tip #23 – Find your identity. Be a friend to yourself.