Whenever You Are Unsure, Go Back To “Me” – Self Care as A Reference Point


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I’m back to everything starts and ends with Me.  It is such a delight to spend time in that space that I can’t help myself.  It draws me.  In that space, I find hope for conflicts in my life, a plan I believe in, I am accountable but not destroyed by my mistakes, I am less lonely and more connected to others and to God.  In that space, I am more a part of my life and the lives of others than I ever was in the “lose yourself in service” philosophy I was more familiar with or any other philosophical approaches to quality of life.  But I dont’ know sometimes how to share that with those who are afraid of Me.  I don’t know.

For example, sometimes when I’m in church and see the excellent people around me, I wonder what they would think if they read this blog.  I wonder if I were given the mike, would they be in their seats for long.  I’d want them to be.  I am a teacher and I get a lot out of sharing this message.  I thrive on connection so I’d be blessed that way too.  There’s much more about how that would roll back to Me and I to them.

Self-care is a reference point for me in these questioning times as well.  “What is the friendly thing to do?” I ask myself, “for Me?”  During these times, in any environment that turns me into a bunch of uncertain questions, I go back to “Me.”  That is where God is, my support network, my family, my coping skills, my health, my books and favorite toys.  That is what I call Me; my home.

Questions:  How do you share your self-care with other “cultures”?  Are you afraid?  In what ways have you been effective in doing it?  When you have done this effectively, what did it do for you?  Please tell us your story.

Self-Care Tip – Whenever you are unsure, go back to Me.

If you’d like to read some more about this, see “Related Articles:”

Everything Starts and Ends With Me
Are You Empowered to Start Everything and End Everything With Me?
Emotions and Behaviors Will Get Better As You Heal.
The Relationship Between God and The Me In Self-Care
Self-Care Works You, Pushes You, Tires You Out Until You Are Happily Spent On Your Friend – You

25 thoughts on “Whenever You Are Unsure, Go Back To “Me” – Self Care as A Reference Point

  1. Sana, I haven’t shared my self-care with others yet. I am just now facing my own self-care. I can now say “It’s ok to be in that space of everything starts and ends with me”.
    Maybe by me taking care of myself I am silently sharing with my loved ones about my self-care.

  2. I think explaining this cross culturally is a task beyond me. They don’t want to hear it and they think you’re nuts. One example is although my teaching certificate says history the administration would not let me teach African American history because I am am not black nor Hispanic or women’s issues or art. There are cultural boundaries complicated by religious boundaries that are not to be crossed about any topic. These people preach multiculturalism and democratic equality until their culture group is called upon to be a participant in the process.Self care could be a common denominator but the task seems doomed. Apologize for being cynical and defeatist . It is just that this has been my experience.

      • Just another example. People vote ethnically here and even based on gender. So that seems an intense polarization is present. White male has almost no chance of being elected in Miami Dade nor could expect to advance administratively in the school system and other large entities. Miami Dade is probably far over 80% minority so if you can understand the oxymoron the minorities are the majorities. This usually leads to nepotism and cronyism with the subgroups in power in particular areas. Because groups are so secure with their leadership abuse and corruption are daily news. A sense of entitlement breeds.

  3. I used to be very vocal about mental illness and would talk to any one who wanted to know. It cost me a lot of friends and would be friends. The family still doesn’t get it after all these years. Now I have decided that the friendly thing to do for me was to keep to myself and let others carry the torch.

      • I try to follow a healthy routine depending on my level on anxiety. I just finished a week of very deep depression preceded by 3 weeks of manic episodes. I know that my responsibilities are:
        Hope: spiritual or otherwise, good will happen, not giving up, inner strength, etc.
        Education: learning about my illness, internet, support groups, books, libraries, churches, peers, seminars, workshops, caregivers.
        Support: family, friends, groups, caregivers, meds, listeners
        Personal responsibilities: I own my illness, taking charge of taking care of me.
        This is all in a nutshell.

        • Sheez marie. i had no idea u were struggling last wk like this. i’m glad u are “out” and hope that when u struggle u know that u r not alone.
          your list is lovely:

          keep talking lady friend

  4. Okay, I’ll give it a short answer (or 3)

    Even if it means drugs. No, not street drugs. Please see a doctor.
    I work 2 jobs and must have sleep or face a mental and physical decline.

    2) Meditate. You don’t have to be trained.
    Find a routine time where you can do 20-40 minutes.
    Try to clear your mind, period.
    Breathe in and out, attempt to think nothing.
    Breathe in, breathe out….think only that.
    TRY IT. Just try it.

    3) Do the next right thing. If your last moment was not your best, the next moment is here and now. Start now.
    You must have a clear conscience to attempt to be free of anxiety.
    Do not worry about the future or long for the past.
    Do what’s correct (moral) in this moment.

    These three things keep me sane. I could carry on but that’s a start.

    • hello kansas. i read your large challenge and think this post might have resonated with you. yours did with me.
      your comment today w us here, i believe is from question: “When you have done this effectively, what did it do for you?” i’m clarifying so u can correct me if not. if it is, than u r saying that these excellent methods numbered 1-3 have helped u share self-care w other cultures? would u tell us how they bridged the space between you and “them?” keep on.

      • Other cultures…..hmmmm.
        Well, I have blogged for years, and have made friends that way, some from all over the world.
        The 3 things I list are pretty universal, and from time to time I will have an obviously troubled person comment on my blog. When that happens, I can generally start an “off blog” conversation with them, and these are just 3 of many things I share.
        The 3 items help bring me health, clarity, and self esteem. With self esteem, I am more able to love/care for others.

        A little more anout my situation. My main job is direct care at a State Hospital. PSH&TC. We have residents with all ranges of physical and mental disability. Some are VERY challenging to care for. The 3 things I listed are things I do to keep my attitude at work and home from being soured by the stress of this job.

        Well, I have much more to say, but one of my most challenging guys is up right now and he needs constant attention.

        I will no be shy here, and feel free to be the same way with me, either here, my blog, or by personal email. I would love to share some experience, especially with some of my State Hospital work.

        • “The 3 items help bring me health, clarity, and self esteem. With self esteem, I am more able to love/care for others.” mm. that is gorgeous. this is just what self-care does in making us more able to serve. thank u so much kansas.
          interesting to hear about your work. state hospitals r, as any place, in desperate need for staff who are their own friend – like u. thank u sooo much (big smile!) for not being shy w us. what a waste of time that would b. looking forward to connecting more. keep on.

  5. Now that I read more about you and the blog, I feel kinda’ silly recommending those things. I do believe you have said the same things long before I came around.
    ‘Nuff said. Carry on.

    • Dear Kansas,
      U made all of us laugh w this comment I think because as u get to know me, n read what other people say as well, you will quickly get over any sense of caution I hope. I loved your previous comment and in fact read it to my husband, I appreciated it so much. U nailed it. Say it again.

  6. turned 30 for the first time in my life i am happy,proud, peace just being myself. self-care is still hard for me cause i try to do everything at once driving me crazy. open to suggestion

    • 30 is good :). u made me laugh. “1st time” – i get it ;)! – i hear u on trying to do it all at once. suggestions r aplenty – it’s just that my hunch is, you’ve heard them as often i have myself. it’s execution that is mystery. keep on ms courage. happy b-d too! hugs

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