Bullying: Series Continued.
- #144 Leave Space In Your Beliefs To Grow
- #163 “He’s Never Hit Me.” Abuse.
- #251 Just Ordinary Bullying – The Bully and The Bullied
- #253 How to Be A Friend To Yourself When Thinking About Your Bully
- #254 Free To Do Self-Care, Despite Our Bully
Bullying is a broad term. We could call it “dirty,” meaning non-specific. Here we’ve spent several days discussing it and stil trip on the dirt. What we want to do is tease life-threatening events included in the broad category of bullying apart from the…, I don’t know, can we call them lesser degrees of bullying? Anything that isn’t perceived as life-threatening can lay in that heap, let’s say.
Image via Wikipedia
Each of us must figure out where we are in these two categories. What type of bully did I or do I have? (I have to smile when I say “My bully.” Sounds like a teddy bear or blankie. And it sooo is not!) I think when we can do this, we can know even more about our self-care options.
There is a main category named, “Bullied.”
Event perceived as life-threatening -> you folks on the right.
Event perceived as non-life-threatening -> you folks on the left.
On the right, we have some who have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and some who don’t. I’ve seen mothers get it after a traumatic birth and post-partum period when their baby might have died. I’ve seen people get it from watching terribly violent movies. Of course we’ve all seen or been survivors of abuse, war, or other near death experiences who become angry, irritable, nervous and suspicious of others. We’ve watched our once cuddly personality disappear. Everyone in this system is hurt and hurting – bully and bullied and those connected to either.
Not all survivors go on to develop PTSD after life-threatening events and we can’t clearly say why. These people on the right straddle the line with those on the left.
We also have current events and past events. We can number there order of passing in our lives. For example, 1. saw our mother beat up for years by our father, 2. watched Silence of The Lambs, 3. excluded and conspired against in high school by mean click, 4. neighbor strong-arms you into getting rid of your dog and paying him money for perceived damages.
PTSD can set in at any point on that time line because of the conditioning/changes the life-threatening event did to the brain.
Those on the left didn’t get much attention today. I’m sorry about that. You guys are just as important but my agenda today was to clarify.
Questions: How does this clarification help you, if at all? How would you try to define bullying?
Self-Care Tip #255 – Know what type of bully you had or have to know how to approach yourself in friendship.
Miami Herald 5/6/11 covered story “3 admit role in bullying suicide case” out of Hadley, Mass. If the person like Phoebe Prince who faced chronic harassment and see no way out, they may be driven to suicide or to initiate defensive-revenge- aggression like the Columbine incident. Whether adult or child intervention is available , but it seems many people are unaware that it is or choose not to avail themselves of help. As we see the consequences can be very tragic.
Awful. Our anger is all we hv left of this life.
I guess I’d change the word when crossing over into life-threatening. To me, bullying is kind of an agravated assault on someone’s psyche. It’s its own kind of abuse and, as we’ve seen with the college student and the teenager who, in recent news, commited suicide after being bullied, it can lead to a life-ending as well as life-threatening situation. However, I would consider the kind of bully who is, for example, a wife or child abuser who physically harms their victims, an abuser more than a bully. Both are incredibly destructive, both emotionally and, frequently, physically, but I see the bully who attacks the psyche as one who doesn’t really expect his victim to be physically harmed or to die. I see the abuser as one who wants the victim to be harmed. I’ve experienced both and, quite frankly, the difference is negligable. They both are vicious; they both hurt their victims horribly; and they both often end up with life threatening or life taking results for which they should be held accountable. I guess the bully may be worse in that bullying is so insidious…and intentionally mean for the sake of being mean.
Nancy, So good. The u!
I’m really learning about being bullied and now understand how it is an attack on one’s psyche. This explains my depression I have went through. I have been bullied for years, and in 2005, began an emotional breakdown. I realize that to be bullied in the psyche instead of physically hit is detrimental, that’s why I have had re-occurrent episodes of depression that I have had to overcome. It all is beginning to make sense now. I know God is bringing me truth and it’s not all my fault as I’ve thought in the past and worn that badge, just to keep the peace. I have been hurt deeply. But my bully won’t see it this way, at least right now. But that’s OK. It’s not my job to make him see it, but to take my power back for myself. I already knew this deep down inside, but ignored my true self. But, thank God, the hurt is being healed and now God is bringing truth at the time I can handle it. I;m not angry, I just now need to know what to do about it and how to handle myself.
Wow. You tell a good story ms determined. I am empowered listened as I’d guess r other readers. It tks a heap of courage to grow this kind of garden. Keep on
Yes, It’s a fine line btw bully and abuse. I am on the left for bully. But a Doc who bullied me could also have abused me for I had PTS afterwards but my life wasn’t in danger. It was just an incredibly painful diagnostic procedure without pain killers and my screams were ignored. I thought about writing a letter for a long time. Then finally, just wanted it behind me.
I don’t think I understand your tip: Know what kind of bully you had or have to extend yourself in friendship. Or do something in friendship?
Make friends with your bully? Or fix it in your mind so it’s not as painful. Not sure.
Had a bit of a scare but checked blog n there was that tiny “yourself” I can see would b easy to miss when our thoughts r full up w bully talk lk u went through. It does sound dreadful. I can’t imagine n would guess going thru all that pain n torture, your body at least thought it might not survive. Thx clar for sharing. Keep on
Kids with food allergies are bullied too, and it can become a dangerous and life threatening “game”. I’m afraid for my kids when they are older, and I try to educate people about how serious food allergies can be. I wouldn’t be surprised if some kids in school with food allergies have PTSD because some kid threw a peanut at them, or smeared peanut butter on their faces (these things happen). Can you imagine being afraid for your life while in the lunch room? It would be like knowing that half the kids in the school were carrying guns and they planned on shooting you. I can’t imagine that kind of horror.
i can hardly imagine it jennifer and when i do, barely, i want to run.