On the receiving end of criticism. Different from playing football or tag, no one wants to be chased, i.e. criticized. If given the choice, which would you choose? Chase vs. flee? Humans can be a bit predatory when it comes to offering up feedback.
However, what I’m talking about has nothing to do with abuse. Verbal emotional abuse is about unequal power. Abuse of any kind, including spoken abuse, is scary, painful and shameful.
What I’m talking about is simply criticism. You mismanage something at work and your boss, corrects you. After coming home from that, tired and feeling beaten up, your children are picking on each other. Then you get them in bed and find that you forgot to write-up a report and it has to be done. Your spouse tells you that he misses his time with you.
It takes a lot of love to deal with something. Turns out, it’s much easier to let it go. Walk away. Examples of trying to promote criticism are the advertisements targeting parents to tell their kids not to use drugs. It takes love to say no. Loving yourself as well as love for someone else. Kids who don’t get this feel neglected and confused. Adults can also feel lost in so much impersonal space and act out just to get noticed. Some people might call this “gamey.” I just call it normal. It’s a normal instinct to want the boundaries of someone who cares pressing around you. It’s normal to feel adrift without knowing that you are worth somebody’s bother.
spare the rod and spoil the child
…at all levels. At any age or station. And further more, with your self-to-self included. If you love yourself, you end up wanting to do and be better. Coming from any direction, we can take it when we know we are loved.
The best part of Proverbs 12:24 is the second half,
but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.
So now, if given the choice, which would you choose?
Self Care Tip #56 – Bring it! Take it! Give it! You are loved. Be a friend to yourself.
Question: Have you been criticized and known you were loved? What’s your story?